February 2, 2010
Today wasn’t a good day. The thing is, I don’t really know why.
For 2 months i’ll be living away from home during week days. I’m working with new people and sharing an apartment with strangers. Tonight is my 2nd night sleeping there and I feel like a child, the first time he sleeps away from home.
It’s hard for me to describe what I feel right now. I just know it’s bad, and I need to write about it. I don’t know if I feel depressed or anxious. I feel alone, that’s for sure. A few hours ago, when I was walking back from work, I had to force myself not to cry and I don’t even really know why I felt like that.
I feel like a person who can’t do much. I feel boring. During my lunch breaks, while eating with my colleagues, I’m always the only one sitting there saying nothing. I can’t have a discussion with them, I just answer their questions briefly if they ask me anything. Slowly, I feel that they have less and less interest in me.
I constantly fear that I’m doing something wrong. I always think that others are angry at me or have a negative opinion of me. I don’t do much or talk much because I’m scared to do/say something that would make them not like me.
When I can have a moment alone to relax and think, I feel pity for myself. Tonight I started crying when I got back to my room. I wish I was working with people who know and understand.